Annabel's Blog - Life Coaching Tips

Life Laundry

Several years ago there was a show on British TV called The Life Laundry.  It was a programme dedicated to helping people who desperately needed to declutter one or more rooms in their house. The premise was simple: rather than wading through masses of stuff and trying to sort things out whilst surrounded by all their clutter, the team removed absolutely everything from one room and put it outside in the garden.  The person then had to decide which things they would choose to bring back inside.

This is a great tip for anyone who needs to have a really good clear out.  Need to sort out some drawers?  Take everything out, put it somewhere else and sort through it there - only bring back what you really need.  Ditto something like a filing cabinet.  Take the files outside and sort through them there - you'll find you can be much more ruthless.  Again, the key is only to bring back what you really need.

As with any decluttering, before you start it's important to have suitable places ready to put the stuff you're sorting through. Designate a box, bag or specific area for rubbish - sell - give away - recycle - return - repairs - in transit to somewhere else - charity shop - keep. 

The Life Laundry principle can be used in other ways, too.  It's a great tool for prioritising. If you're feeling overwhelmed with too many projects or things to do, write each one down on a piece of paper.  Place all the bits of paper on the table so that you can see them all.  Then pick them up and put them face up on the floor.  Take a long, hard, penetrating look at everything you've written down.  Do you need all these activities in your life?  Are they all serving you well?  Can some be dropped or delegated?  Are some extraneous to your needs?  Are they shoulds rather than wants? Choose which ones to pick up and put back into your life. 

Utterly Outrageous Goals

Sometimes it can be way too boring — too safe — to go with the standard SMART formula for goals.  According to the SMART formula, when setting yourself a goal you should make sure it is:

  

S = Specific

M = Measurable

A = Achievable

R = Realistic

T = Time Defined

  

I totally agree with the fact that a goal needs to be specific, measurable and time defined.  For example, simply setting a goal ‘to lose weight’ isn’t nearly as beneficial as saying ‘I’m going to lose 10 pounds by June which is 4 weeks before my sister’s wedding — that way I have ample time to find something to wear.’  So far so good. What I’m questioning here are the Achieveable and Realistic parts. Of course it must be physically possible to achieve your goal, but sometimes setting yourself a totally outrageous and crazy goal can inspire you far more than an easily doable one.  Let me give you an example:

  

Last week, on a bit of a whim, I went for a reading with an astrologer friend of mine.  Apparently this is an absolutely key time for me to be getting new projects and ideas up and running, and writing and communication are really well favoured.  I told her that I was starting work on a book on procrastination (that would be the one I've been planning to write for 3 years ...) and also to put a third 52 Ways to Change Your Life Coaching Tips book together.  Her eyes lit up and she said that this would be absolutely the perfect time to do it.  Looking more closely at further aspects of my chart she told me that this particular week was INCREDIBLY important. 

  

We chuckled as I said "So what you’re telling me is that I've got to get started on two books at once.  How long have I got?" 

  

She checked the dates and replied "24 hours!!!"

  

Galvanized by this absolutely ludicrous target, I went home and worked solidly on cutting and pasting tips I'd written since my last book was published and writing many more.  Six days later the book is very nearly finished.

  

I have absolutely no doubt that what really inspired and galvanised me into action was having such an outrageous goal to achieve.  What about you?  Would it inspire you to set yourself a completely outrageous goal?  If so, what?

  

If you've ever set yourself a crazy goal and achieved it — or if you'd like to set yourself one now — I'd love to hear about it.  Please feel free to share your experience and leave a comment. Maybe we can track your progress.

Good Friday and the Karma Army

Back in 2002 humourist Danny Wallace placed an ad in the London magazine Loot.  The ad said, quite simply, 'JOIN ME'.  To his amazement, hundreds of people responded, even though the ad gave no details at all about what they would be joining, or why. This, in itself says shed-loads about our need for community and our need to belong to something... but I digress.

Having got such a great response, Wallace then needed to decide what exactly his respondents were joining. His solution was to encourage all his Joinees to undertake Random Acts of Kindness at least once a week. He encouraged everyone to do nice stuff on Fridays (hence Good Fridays) and as today is, indeed, Good Friday this seems like a particularly appropriate day to be writing this piece. The only instructions were that everybody had to be nice to someone else for absolutely no personal gain whatsoever. 

Doing nice things for other people has so much more impact when it's completely unexpected. Wallace gives some nice examples of paying for the cup of tea that the person in the queue in front of you has just ordered ... offering to carry someone's shopping for them ... or even simply holding a door open for someone. 

Since then many thousands of people from all over the world have joined the cause. Wallace's Joinees are called The Karma Army and he says 'if what goes around really does come around, we all stand to benefit from these Random Acts of Kindness.' 

It's true about what goes around comes around. I've noticed that if I take the trouble to let a car in in front of me, invariably that driver will do the same thing for someone else further on up the road.

Random acts of kindness - who knows where they could take us...

Do you have an experience to share of being either the giver or recipient of a random act of kindness?  If so, please do leave a comment - I'd love to hear your story.

Reasons to be Cheerful

At certain times, particularly when life is throwing a series of ugly challenges at us, it can be very easy to dwell on all the problems, difficulties and negatives and to forget - or take for granted - those aspects of our lives which are working well for us.   
 
When best-selling author Jinny Ditzler (Your Best Year Yet) and her husband were going through a rough time, they used to get together one night a week, open a bottle of wine and take turns making toasts for the best things that had happened the previous week.  She writes: "Even in the worst weeks, there are those little miracles and things to be grateful for. It makes such a difference to remember to focus on how lucky we are rather than on what a struggle it all is."
 
A couple of years ago I was going through a difficult time in my own life and finding it hard to focus on anything positive, let alone find much to give thanks for. I was talking things through with my greatest friend who is a spiritual counsellor in California, and she recommended the following exercise which I found challenging but immensely helpful ...
 
WEEK ONE:  Every day write down one thing that you do well / feel good about / like about yourself AND one thing you feel grateful for.
 
WEEK TWO:  Every day write down two things that you do well / feel good about / like about yourself AND two things you feel grateful for.
 
WEEK THREE:  Every day write down three things that you do well / feel good about / like about yourself AND three things you feel grateful for.
 
A cinch, you might say...  Yes, but the catch is that you aren't allowed to repeat yourself AT ALL.  Not in the same week - or at any time in the three weeks! 
 
If that exercise feels a bit daunting, here are a couple of other tips to keep you focused on the positive:
 
▪ Make a list of at least 20 things you currently feel grateful for.  This may take some thought, but if you persist you'll be surprised at what you can come up with.  
 
▪ Keep a daily "Gratitude Journal" where you sit down at the end of each day and write down all the things you feel grateful for. 
 
Maybe it's something to do with getting older, or the crazy world we live in, but these days I find myself constantly giving thanks for the small and simple things in life. It's astonishing how focusing on the positives can lift the spirits and enhance your sense of optimism and well-being.

How to Clear the Paper Mountain

Here's a fast and easy tip for those times when you're struggling to clear your paperwork.  Have you ever picked up a piece of paper, looked at it and thought to yourself "I'd better not throw this away. I should keep it just in case I need it again ..."?

We've all done it. The problem is that the piece of paper invariably stays in the paper pile or your in-tray and you go through exactly the same scenario time after time, week after week, month after month. It's a waste of time, it's painfully unproductive and, if you're not careful, a simple piece of paper can become a real energy drainer. 

Of course there will be items that you really do need to keep, in which case you'll need to create a suitable place for them to be filed.  But with the rest I've found that it really helps to ask this simple question ...

If I throw this piece of paper away, could I get hold of it again if I needed to?

In many cases the answer will be yes. You could download it from the internet; ask the person who sent it to you to send it again, and so on.  Just knowing that will often free you up to make the decision to get rid.

It's a fantastic feeling to have a clear desk and/or an empty in-tray.  Hopefully this tip will help you to achieve just that.

Do you have any great tips for clearing the paper mountain?  If so I'd love to hear them.

Launching a Confidence Offensive

I was listening to an interview with the singer Patti Smith on the Today programme this morning. She was talking about her relationship in the 1960s with the photographer Robert Mapplethorpe and one thing she said really struck me:  Even though their relationship ended many years ago she said that even now, decades later, she's still able to access the confidence that he instilled in her when they were together.

I've experienced this too. At a time in my life when my confidence was at an all-time low I spent time with someone who went out of his way to reinforce and bolster my confidence. Eventually, his Confidence Offensive began to make a difference and I began to believe all the positive things he kept telling me.  Like Patti Smith, I can still access this years later.

Sometimes if we're feeling low and can't accept positive things about ourselves we need others to remind us of them on a consistent basis.  Is there anyone in your life who could do this for you?

How to Beat Procrastination - Stop Getting Distracted

If you're a procrastinator you'll know how easy it is to get distracted from the task at hand. If there's a gnarly task or project that needs to be done, seasoned procrastinators will find pretty much any excuse to avoid having to do it. 

In my experience one of the worst forms of distraction is that BING sound from your computer, alerting you that a new email has arrived.  How much more fun it is to stop what you're doing and check to see who's emailing you ...  then you may want to click the link they've sent you which takes you to a website ... and then another ... and then to U-Tube and before you know it you've managed to waste an hour of your precious time.  It's easy to do - we've all done it.

The solution?  If you're serious about getting stuck into a task simply disable the function that alerts you to new emails or turn off the sound on your computer. It's a highly effective way to help you to take control of your time.